With 'WTF' ending, Marc Maron still wants to talk, but outside the studio

TERRY GROSS, HOST:

This is FRESH AIR. I'm Terry Gross. If you were to describe comic and actor Marc Maron's vibe, it might be something like this.

(SOUNDBITE OF COMEDY SPECIAL, "MARC MARON: PANICKED")

MARC MARON: (As self) My brain is just going all the time, and people say, well, you have to rest your mind, and I'm like, I don't even understand what you just said.

(LAUGHTER)

MARON: (As self) I don't even know what that means. If my brain rests for even three seconds, some other part of my brain goes, you want me to open the worry folder?

(LAUGHTER)

MARON: (As self) Got a big list here. Let's do it. What do you want to think about all day long?

GROSS: That's Marc Maron from his new HBO comedy special "Panicked." In one story from this special, he describes an incident last summer when so much of LA was on fire - and he lives in LA. It was looking like his home was safe until the day when a cloud of black smoke started covering the neighborhood. He panicked, understandably, threw together a go bag, grabbed all the cash in his house and wrangled his three cats, getting one in a carrier, one in a hamper and one in an Amazon box. He taped shut the box, punctured breathing holes and got all the cats in the car.

(SOUNDBITE OF COMEDY SPECIAL, "MARC MARON: PANICKED")

MARON: So I say goodbye to my house. I get into my car. I have no plan. I'm just going to drive away from the smoke. And within five minutes, every cat evacuated its bowels and emptied its bladder into their respective containers.

(LAUGHTER)

MARON: So now my car smells like a poorly run shelter. And my only thought is, [expletive], I'm going to have to throw this car away.

(LAUGHTER)

MARON: 'Cause whatever is leaking out of Buster's box is never going to come out of that seat. So I don't really know where I'm going, and I decide, well, maybe you should get some real carriers for the other two cats, you know. And I was going to go to Petco and, you know, get the stuff. And I thought Petco opened at 9, but it opened at 10. So now I'm in the parking lot of a Petco in a Toyota that smells like [expletive] with three cats going, (imitating cat meowing). And it was kind of a profound moment 'cause I realized this is who I am at the end of the world.

(LAUGHTER)

MARON: This is where I end up.

GROSS: That's another excerpt of Marc Maron's new comedy special, "Panicked," which premieres on HBO August 1 and will stream on Max. There's more Maron news. A new documentary about him called "Are We Good?" was shown at the South by Southwest and Tribeca film festivals this year. He co-stars with Owen Wilson in the Apple TV+ comedy series "Stick," which is set in the golf world. It's been renewed for a second season. Maron is one of the voices in the new animated film "The Bad Guys 2," and I'm looking forward to seeing him in the new Springsteen movie, which is called "Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere." It's adapted from a book about the making of Springsteen's album, "Nebraska."

Maron is continuing to do stand-up, but he recently announced that he's going to end his popular podcast "WTF" sometime in the fall. That's a big deal. He started it in 2009 in the early days of podcasting. Interviewing comics and actors was a way to connect with people after he got sober and thought he'd never make it as a comic. I'll be really sorry to see it end. Marc Maron, welcome back to FRESH AIR.

MARON: Hey, Terry. Great to be here.

GROSS: It's great to have you, and I enjoyed your new special and documentary. Just want to let everybody know your house was fine.

MARON: Yes.

GROSS: It didn't catch on fire, and the neighbors couldn't even figure out why you fled. Do you know what the black smoke was?

MARON: Yeah. It was just smoke coming in from the Eaton fire. The primary problem with the entire situation outside of the horror of LA burning was that I really had a hard time understanding the app that we all sort of downloaded to keep abreast of all the fires everywhere, and I just - I didn't understand the color coding. And the house was never really in danger inasmuch as we knew at that time. It just felt like we were all in danger, and I just - I snapped that morning.

GROSS: Well, in keeping with the theme of "Panicked," the title of...

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: ...Your special, I was listening to your podcast the other night. And you'd just gotten back from New Mexico, where you were mostly by yourself, and you described your brain as being on fire. You just couldn't stop thinking, and a lot of it was catastrophic thinking. You locked your rental keys in the car. You accidentally set off the fire alarm while you were cooking, and the firemen arrived in full gear while the AAA guys were there. How come this isn't a time to think about how varied and successful your career has become and just, like, feel good about that? You've got all this stuff that's coming out now.

MARON: Well, that's a good question. You know, and it's something I ask myself daily, that, you know, the reality of my life is pretty good. But for some reason - I guess it's just the way that I'm wired - that it - that's all - like, my brain is like, you know, well, that's all fine. You know, I'm glad that this is all working out. But right now, in my head, in what I perceive as my life, there are all these things that are out of my control. Some of them could get worse. Why'd I do this? Why'd I do that, you know, in terms of making decisions? I think, sadly, my comfort zone is that state of anxiety and self-questioning and dread. And I'd like to fix it. You know, I tried some medicine, but I don't think it's working. I think I can conclusively say after the last week that it's probably not working.

GROSS: You said you've been diagnosed with obsessional anxiety. Can you explain what that is, what that means?

MARON: It sounded good to me, you know, when the guy said it.

GROSS: (Laughter).

MARON: He said, I think what you have is obsessional anxiety. I'm like, that sounds perfect, you know? I think it is just the inability to stop ruminating about the problems your brain is probably manufacturing, you know, on its own, that there's just some inability that I have - I have an inability to compartmentalize. So everything sort of happens at the same frequency, whether it's problems with my cat, problems with my house, you know, problems with the world. And I really have to, you know, parse it and take each one separately in order to compartmentalize it a little bit. Today is OK. Today.

GROSS: Good.

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: Good.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSS: Let's keep it that way. You've also said that - and you said this very recently - that you feel untethered knowing that the podcast is going to end. Can you describe the feeling of knowing inside that it's time to end it while also knowing you're going to feel a little bit lost without it?

MARON: Well, sure. I think that, you know, Brendan and I have this...

GROSS: Brendan's your producer, and you've been working together, like, for many, many years.

MARON: We have a long and very good and real professional relationship, and our personal relationship is, you know, well-boundaried and, you know, healthy. But we're very specific in how we do the show. As you know, you do audio and the work that goes into it. And we've done a lot. Our commitment was to do a new show every Monday and Thursday, and we honored that no matter what, no matter where I was, no matter what I was working on, no matter whether I barely made it to a microphone to do the thing.

But all that to say that it gets to a point with this thing where if you don't have to keep going, and you've done an amazing body of work, and you're exhausted on a lot of levels, and the media landscape has changed, if you don't have to keep doing it, why just keep doing it 'cause you can? If you're burnt out and you're concerned about your engagement with it or whether the quality will start to diminish or, you know, whether you're just doing it because, you know, why not? It really became a decision about if we stop, we stop with a body of work. I just don't think there's any shame in stopping if moving forward would compromise either my or Brendan's vision of the thing or our ability to do it.

So we've maintained our audience all these years, and a lot of them are very close to me. And oddly, the decision made sense to a lot of them. They were upset, but they were, you know, we get it.

GROSS: So how tied up is your identity with the podcast? And what do you feel like you're losing by ending it?

MARON: Well, my identity publicly is obviously, you know, that. It's the podcast and how people engage in it. For me personally, it's more of an emotional and psychological and on some level - I don't know if I would call it necessarily spiritual. But, you know, these conversations are very real conversations for me. And they happen in real time, and I'm with a person, really getting to know them and connecting with them. And that is kind of nourishing for the spirit and the soul as human beings. And it's something that we all crave and probably don't do enough of in person.

But because of my job, I get to do it. I sit across from interesting people. Sometimes I give them coffee. Sometimes they hang out in my house. You know, we have moments before and after the podcast. It's a real sort of afternoon date kind of situation.

GROSS: (Laughter).

MARON: And I think that coming out of that, I do have, not a panic, but I have time to process it. And I do believe we're making the right decision. But I have to get some support system involved or some sort of expansion of my social life, where I do spend quality time with individuals having the kind of conversations I had in the studio or just similar types of connection, to kind of maintain my sanity.

GROSS: You were uncomfortable about saying yes to a documentary being made about you. That documentary has been made. It's been shown at two festivals. I'm hoping it opens in theaters sometime soon. But you were reluctant to do it. Why were you reluctant? And what convinced you to say OK?

MARON: Well, you should know that I'm reluctant to do almost anything.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSS: More work, more anxiety.

MARON: Well, it's just, for me, when something is offered to me or people want to do something, all I think about is, like, oh, man, is the process. Like, you know, when do we start? When's it going to end? Where are we going? You know, what time? Should I drive there? Do I park? So all that stuff.

GROSS: (Laughter).

MARON: Once I get into something, I'm OK. But my first response is always like, I don't want to do that. How am I going to do that? But with the doc, well, Steven, they suggested it. And I wasn't clear what the...

GROSS: This is Steven Feinartz, the director.

MARON: Yeah, Steven Feinartz approached me. And initially, the focus was going to be, you know, me coming back into comedy, you know, post-COVID, you know, post the loss of my partner, Lynn Shelton, and kind of the arc being, you know, moving towards that HBO special, "From Bleak To Dark." I mean, that was initially the idea of it. So this guy, Steven Feinartz, who I knew, he started following me around with cameras. And I think my reluctance was just - I'm not worried about me talking or, you know, being able to be honest with the documentary. But it's just that you got a guy following you with a camera, you know, or two guys. And they're always around.

So it was really that reluctance, to have that in my life, that was really why I was, you know, didn't want to necessarily commit to. But I did. And then what I realized after watching the documentary is there's a tone I have, you know, when he's just shooting me that isn't really, in some parts, like, a natural, comfortable tone. It's me being annoyed with Steven. So I said to him, I said, you know, I look cranky through this whole thing because you were kind of annoying. He goes, well, yeah, maybe. But I think that's kind of who you are. I'm like, really? All right.

GROSS: Oh, that's an interesting complication.

MARON: Well, I said to him, I said, you know, this movie, when I watch it as if I weren't me, it seems to be the portrait of a cranky, sensitive guy who, despite himself, succeeded somehow. And Steven was like, yeah, that's exactly the movie. I'm like, I don't know if - I guess that's OK. I don't think that's exactly me. It was very helpful in me seeing myself.

GROSS: How did it help?

MARON: Well, because I kind of know who I am, as much as I can, from my perspective and my point of view and in my body. But to see how one moves through the world really from the outside and through another person's point of view is very revealing and a bit humbling, to see just how kind of nutty I am and self-possessed in a lot of, you know, strange ways and compulsive in my relationship with my cats and also my relationship to how I work and how I, you know, create. It was very interesting to see that from the outside because it is a bit more strained and tormented than I perceive it to be living it.

GROSS: Are there things that you resolved to change after seeing yourself in the documentary?

MARON: Well, I think that, you know, I could probably relax a little more, I think. I really thought that I was past the point of being very hard on myself all the time. And I think it kind of revealed to me that, you know, maybe I just framed that differently. But I still am, you know, very hard on myself. And I think that has also a connection to the anxiety, that there is something about the way my brain works and the way that I, you know, take care of myself that is very harsh. And I think I can let up on that. That might be good for me.

GROSS: Well, let me reintroduce you here. If you're just joining us, my guest is Marc Maron. His new comedy special, "Panicked," premieres on HBO Friday, August 1, and will stream on Max. The new documentary about him, "Are We Good," was shown at the South by Southwest and Tribeca Film Festivals this year. We'll be back after a short break. This is FRESH AIR.

(SOUNDBITE OF THE KINKS SONG, "THE VILLAGE GREEN PRESERVATION SOCIETY")

GROSS: This is FRESH AIR. Let's get back to my interview with comic and actor Marc Maron. His new comedy special, "Panicked," premieres on HBO Friday, August 1.

Part of the new documentary and part of your new comedy special is about grief. Your partner, Lynn Shelton, died in May of 2020. This was just about three months into the pandemic. She had undiagnosed acute myeloid leukemia. She was 54. She was a director. And she had directed you in the movie "Sword Of Trust." She directed a few episodes of the TV series that you were in, "Glow." She directed you in a couple of episodes of your own series, "Maron." And this was before you became a couple, so you knew each other pretty well.

And you were very devastated. We've talked about this on the show. You talked about it in your previous comedy special. You've also, of course, talked about it on your podcast. Have you found that there's different layers of grief? Like, does what you're feeling and the memories in your mind and the things that trigger you - does that keep changing over time?

MARON: Yes. I think for me, and I definitely - you know, I close the special with really exactly this type of thing, is that you don't really know when they're going to happen. And I think it's kind of different for me in that we had not really established a life together. We had, you know, a relationship, but I don't walk around my house, you know, feeling an emptiness. But there is sort of an emptiness of, you know, possibility. There's an emptiness of, you know, her presence in my life and the way that impacted me.

And also, there's this kind of belief that I've gotten - I wouldn't call it cynical, but a little bit callous to the possibility of opening my heart again because it was - you know, she pried it open. I'm not real easy with that. And I think when I have moments of overwhelming connection to the grief, it's that feeling of having that open-heartedness and having that love in my life that was - it took a long time for it to come for me. And so when I feel that, it's kind of overwhelming, and it's that feeling of absence of that type of love that gets me. So it's kind of there daily, but, you know, it gets to a point where it's not. And then it just - all of a sudden, it is.

GROSS: As I know you know, I lost my husband, Francis Davis, in April, so it's pretty recent. And I've had, like, two dreams that felt like visitations. I mean, they were...

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: ...So real. He felt so present. And I honestly don't know what to make of it. I mean, I believe that people live forever in your heart, but I don't believe that - you know, I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in an afterlife.

MARON: Sure.

GROSS: And yet, (laughter) you know, tell me he wasn't really there 'cause it sure felt like he was. And I wonder if you've had dreams like that and what you make of them. Like, what...

MARON: Yes.

GROSS: How do you interpret that?

MARON: I have had dreams like that, and they still happen sporadically. But in the early stages of the loss and the grief, yeah, I had very visceral, very real dreams, and she would say things. Like, you know, one time she said, this is real. And that's kind of poetic 'cause, you know, it could've meant, you know, our feelings for each other, or it could've meant that she's gone. But I don't know who told me, but I think it's just you should appreciate the visit. Why read into it, you know? Like...

GROSS: No, no, that's how I felt. Like, come back.

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: Come back and visit again.

MARON: (Laughter) Yeah.

GROSS: But I was talking to somebody who's deeply religious, and she was saying that when she had dreams like that, she'd tell the person, go away and don't come back. You're dead. You don't belong here. That was so opposite of how I was feeling.

MARON: No. I think I - like, I love seeing her. You know, like, one time she just - you know, I saw her, and she just, you know, kind of held my face and looked at me. Like, I don't - I'll go mystical occasionally, but who's to know whether, you know, ghosts or religion or any of that stuff - you know, we're all operating at this frequency of life. So, you know, if you want to believe anything, you know, that - whether, you know, people never go, whether it's in your heart or their energy or whatever, you know, what difference does it make? I think that feeling you have when you wake up after having a dream like that, it's kind of brutal, but it's also kind of beautiful to - you know, to be able to check in, you know? It's OK. And for whatever reason, I've just grown to appreciate it, but you do wake up pretty sad.

GROSS: Yeah. OK. I have to reintroduce you here 'cause we need to take a break. So here we go. If you're just joining us, my guest is Marc Maron. He has a new comedy special that will start premiering on HBO August 1. It's called "Panicked" and will be streaming on Max. And he also has a new documentary that's been shown this year at the South by Southwest and Tribeca film festivals. We'll be back after a short break. I'm Terry Gross, and this is FRESH AIR.

(SOUNDBITE OF THE BAD PLUS' "THE BEAUTIFUL ONES (INSTRUMENTAL)")

GROSS: This is FRESH AIR. I'm Terry Gross. Let's get back to my interview with comic and actor Marc Maron. He has a new comedy special called "Panicked" that premieres on HBO this Friday, August 1, and will stream on Max. A new documentary about him called "Are We Good?" was shown at the South by Southwest and Tribeca film festivals this year. His acting career has taken off in the past few years. He's in the forthcoming film "Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere" about the making of Springsteen's album, "Nebraska." He plays record producer and engineer Chuck Plotkin. Jeremy Allen White from "The Bear" plays Springsteen. Maron co-stars with Owen Wilson in the Apple TV+ comedy series "Stick." He recently announced that sometime this fall, he'll be ending his long-running, popular podcast, "WTF."

When we left off, Maron was talking about the loss of his partner, Lynn Shelton, who died suddenly of undiagnosed acute myeloid leukemia in 2020. She was 54. We shared our thoughts about grief. I lost my husband, Francis Davis, in April.

What are your thoughts about what happens after death? And along with that, are you obsessing on your own mortality, having lived through such a shocking, unexpected death?

MARON: I think I was always kind of obsessed with my own mortality in different ways. You know, when I was younger, I was very anxiety-filled and very hypochondriacal. You know, I always thought I was dying, you know, for years and years. It took me a long time to get out from under the obsession on illness and illnesses that I thought I had. That comes and goes. You know, I had a father who was a doctor, and he was kind of distracted most of the time. So one way you can get a doctor's attention is by claiming you're dying. So I think that was part of it. But I think that my sense of death is different now because I'm older. You know, I'm going to be 62 next month. And it's coming. You know, as my friend Jerry Stahl says, you know, there's something in the mail for everybody (laughter).

GROSS: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

MARON: And I think what I know now is that it's coming. You know, how I feel about that happening, it's on my mind. Even if what I believe is nothing happens afterwards and this is the end, there is sort of - somehow my brain has been trying to bend that into kind of a timeless sort of beauty somehow that, you know, when you die, you're no longer in the living time frame, and all of history that is about to happen is going to happen with you in this stationary place.

So I think there's a spiritual idea there that, you know, you are free, but I don't know what happens after. And of course, it's terrifying. And I think the one thing I learned from somebody passing, especially in the situation that I was in when it was COVID and she'd just moved all her stuff down here, is that, you know, what's left for everyone to go through, you know, I kind of want to make sure that's kind of in order 'cause it's a very daunting and sad process.

GROSS: I've been going through that, too, because the bureaucracy of death is really deep and time consuming. And just as you're trying to, like, face the fact that your life is going to be completely changed now in so many ways, you're also having to, like, do this paperwork and go to the bank and get the death certificates and figure out who needs them. And it's...

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: It just seems, like, endless. It just - it doesn't feel fair (laughter). It's like...

MARON: No.

GROSS: ...There's got to be an easier way of dealing with the bureaucracy of death. I don't know what that way would be.

MARON: Well, I think it's efficient estate planning if that is the case. A lot of that stuff, that particular stuff, I didn't have to deal with. But I had all her stuff to deal with, and it was COVID, and people - you know, I had her friends come by, and, you know, I'm sending articles of clothing and pieces of jewelry to her family members that wanted them. And so it was a lot more - I guess the word is visceral and things I could hold. Like, you know, the people that loved her, you know, what do you want?

But recently, I had Rosemarie DeWitt on my show, who worked with Lynn closely on one of her films and was kind of a Lynn surrogate in the movie, I believe. And I think she felt very close to Lynn. And I was holding on to this very unique kind of green leather jacket that Lynn had just had relined. And I was holding on to it because it was really a part of her, and I realized when Rosemarie was there that she should have it, you know? So, you know, I gave her that jacket, and it, like, fit her perfectly. And I just felt like, well, that is, you know, Lynn continuing to be there, you know, for somebody that loved her. And it was kind of a powerful moment.

GROSS: Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine that. You found something that Lynn wrote that said, if I could get Marc to love himself, maybe I can get him to love me.

MARON: (Laughter) Oh, no.

GROSS: Did you know that she thought that before you read it?

MARON: Well, you know, I'm kind of a tough customer emotionally, and it's heartbreaking on one level. On another level, I think she succeeded. But yeah, I think generally I am kind of insulated, you know, emotionally. But what's interesting in talking about the podcast and also talking about stand-up - I'm very open, you know, hearted when people are going to leave, you know?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSS: You want to elaborate on that?

MARON: No. I mean, like, you know, I can be all in in a conversation with somebody who's on the podcast for an hour. I can open up and feel the emotions and not feel threatened in any way, understand...

GROSS: And feel like it's all about them and...

MARON: Well, kind of. But also, like...

GROSS: Though you talk about yourself a lot, too.

MARON: Right. Like, I can really kind of, like, engage it fully because, you know, there is a boundary there or a context. You know, they're going to leave. So if I'm crying with a guest and they go, it's - that is the nature of the show, or if I'm on a stand-up stage and I'm sharing things that are very personal, though they're crafted to be funny, I still am very open. But when it comes to interpersonal relationships or relationships that are ongoing, you know, I'm a little guarded. I'm a little defensive because I feel like I could get hurt or I could be diminished somehow, or I'm being, you know, manipulated. There's a lot of weird triggers I have in personal relationships that kept me kind of lonely within them for a long time.

GROSS: Well, I want to play another clip from the documentary "Are We Good?" This'll speak for itself, so here it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF DOCUMENTARY, "ARE WE GOOD?")

MARON: Maybe I don't understand the whole nature of companionship. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't feel the need for companionship to ride out the rest of life. Hopefully, you know, my money will hold up and, you know, when I become ill, I have enough money to be taken care of. But I don't want to watch someone die again or have somebody watch me die, you know?

GROSS: The reason why that clip - well, one of the reasons why that clip really struck me is I remember, like, a couple of times I ran into women who had lost their husbands. And they said to me, I would never marry again. And this was, you know, a few years ago. I was younger. I said, why? And they said, well, I could never go through that kind of pain again of watching somebody be so sick and then die and losing them. I can't let myself do that. And I'd think to myself, yeah, but you're depriving yourself of possibly a very deep, loving relationship. And now that I lost my husband and he had two, like, long-term chronic diseases - you know, I watched him kind of lose so much of his life, live in such a kind of shrinking world - I understand what they were saying. It's just so painful to watch somebody you love go through that.

And, you know, the end is, of course, always hard for the person who's dying, especially, you know, if it's a process and not a sudden thing. And so I understand why one wouldn't want to put themselves through something like that again. So I thought about that when I heard you say I don't want to watch somebody die again or have them watch me die. And I was wondering if you could share a little more of what's going on in your mind when you say that.

MARON: Well, I think that's kind of shifting because I hear what I said in the documentary, and when I said it, it sounds very lonely to me. And recently I've been sort of reflecting on the idea of, like, well, who do I have? You know, who's going to come? You know, who's going to come to the hospital, you know? And it's very sad. So I think a lot of what I was saying there was kind of probably a bit defensive, but I think honest, you know? Because my dad is, you know, he's still being taken care of by his wife. And he's still kind of there, but he's got her. But I do think a lot of that is just fear of my own mortality. But I don't know if I can stand by that statement in the doc now. I don't know. I'm right at the edge of that stuff and it's a little scary.

GROSS: I think it's kind of possible to hold both thoughts in your mind at the same time, this fear of getting too close and having to watch somebody you love so much die while at the same time craving that kind of intimacy and companionship with somebody else.

MARON: The vulnerability of dying is an interesting and horrifying reality to me, I think. But as I see my father kind of disconnecting, there is a kind of beauty to it in a weird way that, you know, once you get past a point where you can take care of yourself and you do need to rely on other people, and so much of who you were is kind of, you know, fading away or disconnected, it's so profoundly sad. But I think there is a way to look at it as natural and as part of life. And I think there may be something beautiful about it.

GROSS: You have a girlfriend now, and you talk about her on your podcast. Was it uncomfortable for you at first to feel like it was OK to have a girlfriend?

MARON: I don't know that it was, you know, because it was - after Lynn passed away, it was COVID. It was a lonely time. I was pretty shattered. I think the intention was to, you know, spend time with somebody. And it kind of, you know, evolved from there and kind of keeps going.

GROSS: You're living alone now? Or you're living together with your...

MARON: Yes.

GROSS: Yeah. Do you like living alone?

MARON: Absolutely.

GROSS: What do you like about it?

MARON: I'm just so codependent by nature. And I don't know if that's surprising to people because I am sort of a cranky, you know, seemingly intense person that would not be a kind of person that would lose himself in somebody else. But on a deep emotional level, I am immediately and very deeply codependent. So it's almost impossible for me to exist in a house with somebody without wondering what they're doing. Are they OK? Where are they in the house? What are we doing today? What do you got going on later? Like, to the point where it would take up most of my mind. And that's happened in the past.

GROSS: Well, let's take a short break here. If you're just joining us, my guest is Marc Maron. His new comedy special, "Panicked," premieres on HBO Friday, August 1, and will stream on Max. We'll be right back. This is FRESH AIR.

(SOUNDBITE OF MISHA MENGELBERG TRIO'S "ROLLO III")

GROSS: This is FRESH AIR. Let's get back to my interview with comic and actor Marc Maron. His new comedy special, "Panicked," premieres on HBO Friday, August 1.

So let's lighten things up and talk about the problems you're having with your cats (laughter).

MARON: Yeah, sure.

GROSS: Your late cat Boomer became a celebrity in the feline world because you talked about him so much on your podcast. And it seemed like you had a really good relationship. Now you have three cats. Charlie, I think, was a stray, and he's become a real problem. He has anxiety-induced colitis. He defecates around the house, especially, like, when you're gone because he has, like...

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: ...Separation anxiety.

MARON: Right.

GROSS: He beats up on the other cats.

MARON: And I had many cats. You know, Boomer was one. But that crew, Monkey and LaFonda, they lived a long time after Boomer. It was funny because when Lynn was alive, you know, she was with me when I had to put down LaFonda. And then I only had, you know, I had old Monkey, who was also kind of sick. And Buster was a little younger. And after Lynn passed away, you know, I was looking at Monkey, who was, you know, in the beginning of kidney disease. I'm like, dude, you can't do it now. We can't do it now. You've got to hang out for a few more months, buddy. And he did.

But right now - Charlie actually was born near my backyard. There was a feral litter next door. And the mother was kind of moving these five or six kittens around, I imagine for safety, and she had left Charlie under my back stairs. But I took him. And he was very small, like 2 to 3 weeks old. And he never really had a relationship with a cat mom, you know? It was me. He's deeply a cat mom. You know, it was me. He's deeply attached to me. He doesn't really love other cats. He loves people. And when I go away, you know, his brain kind of melts down. He's anxious I'm gone, but then he thinks he needs to run the house, and he's not really kind of capable of it, and he starts beating up on the other cats. The colitis business has settled down, but the aggression has not.

GROSS: So how're you dealing with that? I mean, cats...

MARON: It's terrible.

GROSS: Cats can be, like, a lot of fun and very relaxing when they're sitting on your lap and purring. But it's kind of upsetting when they start, you know, messing up, defecating around the house or peeing, and it's hard to get the smell out.

MARON: Yeah. I've dealt with all that stuff, you know, but it's more the aggression, you know? And I need peace at the house. Look, I don't have kids. I live alone. But these cats, my connection with them is pretty intense and kind of crazy. I'm not a normal cat person. I'm a little aggressive in how I talk to them. I'm not - I'm more of a, like, what's up, Charlie? What are we doing? Where we at? What's going on today (ph)? And it took me years to realize that's why I have - you know, I always have kind of tweaky cats. I was like, why do I always get these nervous, jumpy cats, you know?

GROSS: (Laughter).

MARON: Well, it might be me. But what you're saying is true. It's more the aggression right now. You know, I really think that if I had peace among the cats, my whole life would fall into place in a lot of ways in terms of anxiety because you do want to go home and be able to relax and not just be constantly waiting for a cat to scream and then try to separate a vicious catfight.

GROSS: Something I want to mention from your documentary - there's a scene, and I think this is, like, during the COVID lockdown, when you're exercising with a trainer, like, out on the porch. And man, you're doing some pretty strenuous exercises. You look, like, really physically fit. And you'd mentioned on your podcast that Men's Health is doing a story...

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: ...On you, which is not something I would've expected.

MARON: Right.

GROSS: But I'm wondering if, like, being that, like, strong now and after doing all those workouts - assuming you're still doing them - has it made your mind and your body feel more connected? Do you feel more comfortable in your body, and does your brain feel more attached to it?

MARON: Have you been listening? (Laughter) No, Terry.

GROSS: Well, right.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSS: OK. Yes, I see your point. Right. Yes. Right (laughter).

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: You know...

MARON: I...

GROSS: That's what we've been discussing this whole time is...

MARON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSS: ...The state of panic and worry that you are always in.

MARON: Exactly.

GROSS: Anxiety.

MARON: Exactly.

GROSS: Constant.

MARON: Exactly.

GROSS: Yeah.

MARON: I do - look, I - it's very important to me to stay in shape and to stay - you know, I've not - I'm not...

GROSS: (Laughter).

MARON: I'm not inherently crazy with it. I think a lot of it just comes from, you know, a basic, you know, body dysmorphia that was wired into me by my mother. But I think it does help with the dopamine element in my brain. But physically, I guess I do - I feel pretty connected. I feel, you know, pretty good. I feel better, but I wouldn't say it's, on a day-to-day basis, I feel great ever.

GROSS: Ever. Yes. OK. Let me reintroduce you again. If you're just joining us, my guest is Marc Maron. His new comedy special, "Panicked," premieres on HBO Friday, August 1, and will stream on Max. The new documentary about him "Are We Good Yet (ph)?" was shown at the South by Southwest and Tribeca film festivals this year. We'll be right back after a short break. I'm Terry Gross, and this is FRESH AIR.

(SOUNDBITE OF BEASTIE BOYS SONG, "NAMASTE (REMASTERED 2009)")

GROSS: This is FRESH AIR. Let's get back to my interview with comic and actor Marc Maron. His new comedy special, "Panicked," premieres on HBO Friday, August 1, and will stream on Max.

I want to ask you about the new Springsteen film that's coming out in...

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: ...October, and it's based on a book about the making of Springsteen's album, "Nebraska," which started off as a series of, like, demo tapes of songs that he recorded at home. And that became the album, with the help of an engineer who, I guess, digitized it or whatever he did. But you play that engineer in the film.

So there's some great actors in the film, including Jeremy Strong who plays Jon Landau, who wrote about Springsteen early on and was his champion, became his friend, became somebody who worked with him. Also, Jeremy Allen White from "The Bear" plays Springsteen. So I'm particularly interested in Jeremy Strong. He's such an intense actor and seems to have such an intense way of preparing. I know from your podcast that you are really interested in how other actors prepare, and you're always trying to learn from the actors you interview, like, how they do what they do. What did you learn from working with Jeremy Strong?

MARON: Well, that whole - the whole thing was kind of fun. Like, I got cast in that thing a while back. I love Scott Cooper. I think he's a great director. I think he's got a real vision. And he said, look, I want to put you in the Springsteen movie, and I said, great. So they put me in this little part. And I guess I was having sort of a diva moment. You know, I was like, well, they could've just gotten anybody to do this. You know, what - like, it's just hardly any part here, and, like, I was being a real baby. And I actually texted Scott Cooper, and I'm like, hey, dude, I'm just getting back into the script. It doesn't seem like there's a lot for me to do here. I don't know. Am I wrong? And he says, look, man, you don't have to do it. I just thought it would be fun. But, you know, we'll do something else in the future. It's up to you. And I was like, OK, yeah, I'll do it. You know, I couldn't, like...

GROSS: (Laughter).

MARON: So I looked at the script, and I read the book. And oddly, the producer of the film had heard Warren Zanes on my show.

GROSS: He's the author of the book.

MARON: Yeah. And that was part of the impetus of bringing the project to Scott Cooper. Like, it started on "WTF."

GROSS: Oh, wow. Good for you.

MARON: Yeah. Well, I liked the Zanes guys. But I loved the book "Deliver Me From Nowhere." I thought it was great, and the story is really great. So here's what happens. So the fun part about doing this movie - I think for Jeremy Strong, too - is that, like, I get there, and it's at the studio, and it's a smallish studio. And video village was just outside the door of the studio, and for the entire shoot, the real Landau and the real Springsteen are sitting there at the monitors. They're there, all right?

So because I'd interviewed Bruce, it was one of those things we had talked about earlier, and he remembered me. So I kind of had a bit of a shorthand with him. Like, I wasn't a stranger. So, you know, they - Scott would go, cut, and you'd just go hang out with Bruce. How is that not fun, right? But the thing was - is a couple of things. I was nervous about Plotkin, and I told Scott Cooper. I'm like, there's not a lot on this guy. I don't know, you know, what to do with him. And he goes, don't worry about it, just do the job. Just be the engineer.

So I had to learn how to, you know, operate the levels and have my hands on the board and understand the focus of everything. And I had lines, and the part is kind of pivotal in getting the tape into the format where they can put it on the record. But I didn't know, you know, what Bruce was going to think. I'm worried because, you know, Plotkin's a real guy.

So I do the first scene where I'm talking, and I'm doing the job. And, you know, Scott goes cut, and I walk out into video village, and Springsteen goes, you did it. You're Chuck. Good job. You nailed it. And I'm like, well, that is fortuitous.

GROSS: (Laughter).

MARON: And quite coincidental, yeah.

GROSS: There are some clips in the new documentary about you from your really early days onstage, performing comedy.

MARON: Oh, my God.

GROSS: And I would never have recognized you - physically, vocally, from the material. Like, nothing about you seemed recognizable to me. Can you put us back to that period?

MARON: I was young. You know, to be honest with you, that's the cringiest stuff for me in that doc. What I saw was a guy that was, you know, full of this very shallow, very, you know, kind of transparent, you know, swagger trying to be something that he really wasn't, that I aspired to. But my model was just like, I wanted to have this swagger. I wanted to be shocking. I wanted to say stuff, but I didn't have the gravitas or the chops to really do it. But I kind of got away with it because I had enough, you know, moxie and persistence to do it. But to me, it was a lot of posturing, and it was kind of - the vulnerability of that makes me sad, a little.

GROSS: It's funny because your comedy and what makes you really special is the interiority, how much you reflect on, you know, life and your inner life and your thoughts, your anxieties. Like, you're going deep inside in a performative way as opposed to just trying to be, like, shocking or...

MARON: Yeah.

GROSS: ...Swagger. You're kind of antiswagger.

MARON: Well, right, but it - you know, it took a long time for me to exercise that, you know? I was fueled by, you know, aggravated insecurity and anger for a long time. I've been doing this, you know, for, you know, almost 40 years, and I've done all the jokes. I've taken all the chances. I've said all the wrong things. You know, I've lived this life thoroughly taking many risks, and I've evolved as a person and as a comic into what I am now. And I think in the new special, you know, I kind of explore some of that stuff.

But yeah, the decision to go inside was a very conscious decision many years ago. And just sort of being able to own, you know, your point of view - if you talk about general things, the odds of another comic having a similar approach are great 'cause there's thousands of comics. But if you sit in yourself and come from your perspective on yourself and the world through that perspective, you have a better shot at maintaining a unique sense of self up there.

GROSS: Well, Mark Maron, I wish you good luck with all the projects that you're involved with now, and I hope your anxiety eases.

MARON: Me, too, Terry. It's always great to talk to you.

GROSS: Oh, great to talk with you. Thank you so much.

Mark Maron's new HBO comedy special "Panicked" premieres this Friday, August 1, and will stream on Max. The documentary about him, "Are We Good?" has played at film festivals. The release date hasn't yet been announced. Maron co-stars in the Apple TV plus series "Stick," which has been renewed for a second season.

Tomorrow on FRESH AIR, NASA once symbolized America's highest ideals. Now many say it's ceded its mission to Elon Musk. Journalist Franklin Foer will join us to talk about how SpaceX became indispensable to the U.S. government, what it means for the future of space exploration, and why Musk's dream of Mars may come at the cost of NASA's mission. I hope you'll join us.

GROSS: To keep up with what's on the show and get highlights of our interviews, follow us on Instagram, @nprfreshair.

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UNIDENTIFIED MUSICAL ARTIST: Lock the gates.

GROSS: Fresh Air's executive producer is Danny Miller. Our technical director and engineer is Audrey Bentham. Our managing producer is Sam Briger. Our interviews and reviews are produced and edited by Phyllis Myers, Ann Marie Baldonado, Lauren Krenzel, Therese Madden, Monique Nazareth, Thea Chaloner, Susan Nyakundi, Anna Bauman and John Sheehan. Our digital media producer is Molly Seavy-Nesper. Our consulting visual producer is Hope Wilson. Roberta Shorrock directs the show. Our co-host is Tonya Mosley. I'm Terry Gross.

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